


You, Me, He and the Baby Makes 4

by crazykookie



Category: Lost
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 19:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13083351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazykookie/pseuds/crazykookie
Summary: Hurley is happy to raise Sawyer's baby, even though Jack is the father.





	You, Me, He and the Baby Makes 4

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Glitterpig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitterpig/gifts).



It's not like Hurley was jealous of the baby. The fact that it was Jack's didn't sting the way that it clearly did to Sayid. But most things about Sawyer upset Sayid— the two of them had never had a romance before, and Hurley guessed that that made Sayid both wistful and jealous.

At least he hadn't caught Sayid crying like he had found Jack.

"I'm so happy I'm going to be a father," Jack yelled at Hurley when he had accidentally walked in on Jack crying in the med tent.

Hurley had just said the appropriate, "Uh," and tried to politely back out.

Jack had darted forward and grabbed Hurley by the shoulders. "I never thought I would be a father. It's just my— my father— don't have what it takes—" he got a distracted look in his eyes through the tears falling from them.

"Well, dude," Hurley had said as Jack looked off into the distance. "I'm just gonna go. I'm happy for you?"

Jack looked back at him. "Do you really think I'll be good at this?" he implored.

"Sure."

Jack smiled through his drying tears and Hurley darted out.

Yeah he had definitely not seen Sayid doing that.

 

"I'm cool with the baby, man," he told Sawyer that afternoon as they were fishing for squid. "I mean, I'm used to Claire's baby, I'm not upset about raising another guy's," and he grabbed his boyfriend's hand.

Sawyer looked at him through his lank strands.

"Thanks, Curly," he said, using his adorable nickname for Hurley. "I didn't think you woulda freaked."

 

The next day Hurley attended Sawyer's one-month doctor's visit with him.

Juliet smiled at the both of them as she pointed at the ultrasound that for some reason and somehow she, Sayid and the physicist guy had moved onto the beach and set up in the tent attached to a battery pack and a solar panel.

"It's a healthy baby," she said.

"Thanks for helping us, Doc," Sawyer said in an unusual moment of honesty. He grabbed Hurley's hand with one of his own, and then looked over to his other side and grabbed Jack's tearsoaked palm with his other.

"The three of us," he clarified.

Jack burst into tears again. Kate, who was standing proudly at the door nodded at Juliet and said to the room, "The beach is perfect afterall."

Hurley had no idea what she could be talking about considering they had planned for Sawyer to give birth in the caves like three weeks ago. But Juliet met Kate's eyes and Hurley decided to stop trying to figure it out.

"Well thanks for, uh, using your male impregnation expertise," Hurley said for all of them.

"Of course," Juliet murmered at him. "It worked with the rats so I knew it must work with humans. And afterall, only women have died so far. So your chances are completely unknown," and she beamed around at all of them.

"That's amazing news," Jack said, as he had clearly recovered himself.

At that moment, Sayid burst into the tent. "It's the physicist and the anthropologist!" he bellowed. "They've stolen the coconuts and are headed into the forest!"

"Kate, you take a gun and stop them from whatever they're doing at all costs," said Jack.

Sun and Jin burst in, and Jin said, "we need to stop them."

"Uh, dude, why?" Hurley asked.

"I don't trust them," Sayid said. "There's probably a bomb there that they can only activate using coconut juice. I've worked with this type of explosive before."

Jack turned to Jin. "Jin, here's what you need to do. You follow them and when you find them you tell them they have three options: return to the beach, relinquish the coconuts and move on their way, or die by your hands. Then, collect a gallon-full of water, retrieve the rest of our guns, and by no means allow them to leave a rock path to lead any friends back to our camp."

"Sure!" Jin said.

"Don't die," Sun beseeched him.

Hurley looked around. "Guys, why would you give him complicated instructions in English?"

"I've learned," Jin said with conviction.

Hurley shook his head and looked back to his boyfriend, who had sat up to alert.

"Freckles, Doc, Blondie, Jawline, Greenthumb, and Husky," he said, surveying their comrades. "Don't fuck up. We need to protect this baby," he said.

"Don't worry Sawyer," Kate told him. "I think this is definitely the night that we are getting off this island."

"Curly," Sawyer said, looking at him. "Thank you for accepting this baby as your own."

"Of, course, dude. I'm not a weirdo."

"I was thinking of names. What about Numbers?"

"Uh, no."

"Black smoke monster?"

"No," Hurley shot down.

"Backpocket gun."

"No."

"What about Boat?" Jack asked.

"That's perfect!" Sawyer said.

"You're right," Hurley beamed.

 

Outside of the tent, a squirrely hideous Ben Linus rolled out from under the bushes covered in sand and boar dung. He looked at the shadows of the tent. " Perfect," he said. "The island will be pleased." And he somersaulted away into the jungle, his new spine as spry as ever.


End file.
